A Change of Pace

Today I decided to take a break from my usual ranting about the latest annoyance and talk about something that isn't talked about enough....friendships.

The past couple of years have seen enormous changes in my life.  I went from living in Britain with an expectant wife to living in Canada and then going through a difficult divorce.

Most of my friends have heard the gory details and I won't go into them in detail here.  Besides, that would miss the point really.

While I went through this most difficult phase of my life, I experienced many emotions.  I experienced fear, anger, despair, righteous indignation and a bunch of other not so nice feelings.  However through it all I was also experiencing feelings of gratitude.  This was due to the love and support that I received from my many friends.

During the time leading up to the court battle, I was feeling especially vulnerable.  Being falsely accused of plotting your wife's murder can have that effect.  Those of you who haven't stood before a judge to answer such allegations will just have to take my word for it.  It sucks!!! LOL

Even after it became clear that those allegations were not going to carry any weight, I was still faced with the prospect of picking up my son 6 times a week.  What else would I be accused of when there were no witnesses around?

Into this unpleasant situation, 35 different friends of mine stepped forward to accompany me during transitions to ensure that I was not alone.  This went on for over a year and I had somebody accompany me for all but 2 transitions.  Looking back, this was truly remarkable.  Some of these friends drove from long distances to help me for a 5 minute transition.  I find it amazing that not a single friend started finding themselves 'busy' on repeated occasions until I no longer asked.  It would have been completely understandable if they had because it was onerous.  Yet they didn't.

In addition, there were numerous occasions where my friends spent time with Krishna and myself.  I found myself turning invitations down because there simply aren't enough hours in enough days.  I am truly blessed!

It is too soon to say whether this story ultimately has a great ending or not.  I have joint custody of my son and we spend a lot of time together.  In fact, I get more time with him than many dads who live near their children.  Krishna is an amazingly happy and well adjusted little boy.....and extraordinarily handsome too!

I have the means to fly over to see him regularly.  Not every guy in my situation could do that.  I am blessed!

When I visit in Britain, one of my good friends and her husband welcome us into their home every time.  Even when I visit for weekends in Britain, Krishna has a consistent bed to sleep in and a place to leave his toys and clothes.  I am blessed!

When he visits Canada, again the invitations are more numerous than we can accept.

Divorce is not something that I recommend.  It is extremely destructive and some people never get their balance back after going through it.  It would be foolish for me to pretend that I haven't been damaged by the experience, but it would be truly ignorant to fail to see the good side that it brought out in so many of my friends.  Their loyalty and support were more than I could ever hope to repay.  But I suppose that is the whole point of such true friends....they don't expect anything for what they give.  Still I owe them a debt and I will be working to repay that debt.

I am not an easy person to get along with.  I am opinionated, mouthy and often ill mannered.  I am headstrong and, often, don't listen well.  I don't deserve the great friends that I have and so I treasure them.

Before Krishna moved away, a friend from church gave Krishna a gift and wrote inside that he should take good care of his mommy.  This was truly heartwarming.

I hope that Krishna grows up to take good care of his mommy.  He is a great kid and I don't deserve such a great son.  I am blessed.

Nobody is naive enough to believe that I don't have some residual negative feelings.  But I am human.  Time is working its magic in healing those wounds.

All I can say at this point is that I couldn't have made it through this nasty process without my friends.  Bill Gates and Warren Buffet have a lot of money....but I can't imagine them being richer than me..thanks to the wealth of friends that I have.

For that I am truly blessed!